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How to Stop Comparing Yourself to Others

April 16, 2015

Life is supposed to be joyful but one of the sure-fire ways to make sure this isn’t the case is to compare yourself to others.

It has been said that, “Women are in the habit of comparing their worst selves with other women’s best selves,” and I couldn’t agree more.

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Women are massive consumers of social media, magazines and fashion for this very reason, and we may say that we ogle glamorous pictures of celebrities because we love beauty and fashion, but truly we mostly feel the pressure to “keep up.”

I’m not immune to this syndrome. Although I’m quite “out of the loop” and rarely read magazines, watch TV or check out what other people are doing on social media, and although I’d like to think I have a strong self-esteem (chakra 3), when I do engage with the women’s-world-stuff I sometimes end up feeling inadequate.

Initially, I’m not aware that I’m feeling inadequate. I’m only aware that I’m being drawn into what other women are doing, wearing and saying, and that I’m starting to feel like a voyeur. And then I find myself quickly flicking through the mag to absorb all of it or spending too much time on someone’s Facebook page looking at all of their photos.

Curiosity has subversively turned into envy; a destructive emotion for both myself and the woman I’m envying, and before I realise it I’m comparing my worst self with her best self and I’m robbing myself of joy and psychically polluting the planet.

The most destructive part of comparing ourselves to women in the public eye, fashion magazines or with a large social media following is the fact that we are comparing ourselves to a world, largely, based on fantasy and illusion.

Most of weren’t born with supermodel potential or have an entourage of people surrounding us that make sure we look glamorous. The truth is it takes us many hours, and often lots of effort, to look great. And after the age of 30, let’s be honest about it, we no longer look hot when we first roll of out bed with bed-head and no makeup.

There is a major amount of effort that goes into making women look gorgeous for magazines, events and TV, so it is completely ridiculous for you to feel inadequate that you don’t look like that!

The photo shoots that I do require work, effort and a team. To make me look good there is planning involved. Yes, I do have great skin, look young and am very healthy – thank you White Light! – but to make my photos and videos beautiful we work at it.

I know the illusion and marketing ploy of the world of glamour is to make you believe that women step out of bed looking amazing but they don’t. So please don’t compare your morning just-got-out-of-bed self, with a glossy glamours pic of a supermodel who says she exercises three hours a morning, whilst drinking a green smoothie, meditating, running her online business, applying make-up and somehow managing to also get her seven kids off to school!

The most destructive part of comparing ourselves to women in the public eye, fashion magazines or with a large social media following is the fact that we are comparing ourselves to a world, largely, based on fantasy and illusion.

I love beauty and the world of the aesthetics and find comfort in the expression of it – the world of spirit is extraordinarily, exquistely beautiful and transcendental – but when I look at glamorous pictures of women I see the creativity, craftsmanship and genius of the team that brought that women’s beauty to the forefront.

I still see and admire a woman’s beauty, but it takes a backseat to the creative collaboration of gifted artists that helped make her shine.

If I can remember that glamorous pics are based on fantasy and how we want to look and live, I can love them for this. But when I forget this and start to compare myself  to “beautified” women, I become envious and this makes me resent my fellow sisters of the light.

Keep your self-esteem in tact and your chakra 3 strong. Don’t compare your worst self with other women’s best!

in White Light + Love,

Belinda